Words are so important in the world of power play, and I love exploring them in my punishment room and my naughty phone chats. I enjoy seeing the effects they have as I describe a scene as well as physically enacting it.
I have noticed though that there are some words that will cause a thrill even when their meaning isn’t clear.
One example of this is the mention of a woman’s bra size. Tell a man that a strict auntie is a 54AA or a 32FF and you might get an excited response to either. It makes no difference that the first figure describes a larger woman with a flat chest, while the second would be a slim woman with a very large cup.
The mere mention of a figure followed by a letter or two when uttered in the right context seems enough to conjure thoughts of women’s breasts and have some subs tipping over the edge.
Another example of this is the curious term ‘Lifestyle Mistress’.
Across the web, professional dominant women are claiming it, presumably in the hope that it will make them appear somehow more genuine, exciting their potential subs and encouraging them to visit. But what does it really mean?
I suspect that many submissive men don’t really understand the term and I confess that it has always left me a bit nonplussed. For me the words conjure the bizarre and disturbing image of a woman who sleeps in rubber, her stiletto-heeled foot appearing from under the duvet each morning to be kissed by a waiting slave. Does a golden hand appear from inside the toilet to wipe her bottom? Is her every waking moment one where she is surrounded by submissive men hoping to serve her in all her requirements?
Who is this woman? I ask myself, and how did she come to live such a tedious existence?
Increasingly the notion of a lifestyle mistress has taken on a superficial hue. It is now more about maintaining appearances and is often seen hand in hand with wish lists and Findom. The new definition of ‘lifestyle’ is having enough cash to fund an image. Has the term been hijacked by those who want their clients to meet them at the cashpoint? Perhaps for some professionals that is an important part of the services on their menu, but offering financial domination is surely not at the heart of what it is to be ‘lifestyle’? I am sometimes contacted by men calling me ‘Goddess’ and saying they want me to drain their bank account. In my early years as a mistress, I never had such requests. Why do they think I would even want to do this? I don’t advertise this service on my website, and if this were what I wanted, I would not be wielding the cane in the upstairs bedroom of a terraced house. I would be in Government!
There may be professions in which it is important to demonstrate that you are following a particular lifestyle. The priesthood being one example. But I can’t see why anyone needs to know anything about the way I live my life as an incentive to visit me. It just seems like a lot of pretence. I don’t see it as anyone’s business how I conduct my affairs outside the punishment room. It is true that the extra cash I make as a mistress enables me to have a more relaxed life, but my subs don’t need to know this any more than they need to know what I do in my sex life. Whether I am fantastic or appalling as a domestic disciplinarian does not depend at all upon these things.
We don’t have lifestyle dentists or builders. Yes, there are some builders who take large amounts of cash from their clients upfront without ever doing any work, but they don’t advertise themselves as being ‘lifestyle’.
And what of those Mistresses who aren’t lifestyle? What is it that they lack? Is it that they have a vanilla sex life? (Shame on them!) Perhaps they spend their earnings not on a lavish existence, but on utility bills and their kid’s school uniform? There seem to be so many questions.
I think that the term originally referred to a woman who genuinely lived the kinkster lifestyle in her personal relationships, but it seems to have been buried far enough under a mountain of pouting visages and wish lists to render it almost pointless. So, what is it that really counts? What to look for when choosing a professional mistress?
I suppose for me it boils down to a combination of skill and a genuine enjoyment of what she is doing that makes a mistress worth visiting. Of course, she is a professional and earning money for her skills, but is she merely acting a part which has been learned over the years, or is she getting a kick out of your upturned bottom and the sound of the cane as it meets its target? Does she really ‘get’ why her subs are turned on by the scenes she is enacting, or is her skill just something she has gained with experience?
The only real way to find out is to visit her for a session, because regardless of any claims made in promotional material, the proof of the pudding is always going to be in the eating, because when you submit to a woman who is getting genuine enjoyment out of playing with you, there will be no need to pay any heed to misleading representations. You will know it without a doubt.
Look out for my next blog post, where I consider other misleading terms such as ‘Empress’ and ‘Goddess’ and…erm… no….perhaps not.
END